Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
