I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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