I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
