i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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