Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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