where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
