He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
