I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
