Plan B is the new Plan A
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
