I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
