She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
