just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
