He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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