so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just invented taco cereal.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
