He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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