im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
