I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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