Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
