You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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