i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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