My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
