I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
