Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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