everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
