ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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