New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
