I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
