he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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