Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
