nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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