I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
