yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
