you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
