...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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