You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
