I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
