I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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