it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
