i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
