wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
