I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
