lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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