he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
