dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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