Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
