All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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