I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My pussy is not your playground.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
