Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
