You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
