He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
