Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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