I heard we made out
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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