there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
