This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
