her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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