Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
