My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
