Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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