I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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