I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
