Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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